Tyler James Opsal (my grandson)

Saying "I'm sorry"

Some things can only be repaired by an apology and nothing else. Apologies are not a pass or fail. When giving an apology, any performance less than an “A” really does not cut it. They are usually patronizing, staged, insincere, or generalized, and do not take responsibility. When we make bad apologies, we put more strain on the relationship and can cause bitterness to remain.
A bad apology is worse than no apology. People know when you are making an insincere apology and they find it insulting. Bad apologies are “I’m sorry YOU hurt by what I’ve done; another common bad apology is “I apologize for what I did, but you also need to apologize to me for what you’ve done.” That is not giving an apology it is asking for one. Good apologies will 1). Bring peace, 2). Stop arguments, and 3). Restore broken relationships. It soothes the offended, relieves the offender, and brings emotional healing to both of their hearts.

When we do not apologize after an offense, everything can tend to spin out of control. Common causes for failure to apologize are pride and fear of shame and the belief that apologizing is a sign of weakness and admission of guilt. A good apology is an act of honesty, humility and generosity. It is a sign of courage not weakness.

Make a good effort to apologize in a proper and heartfelt manner. However, do not expect the other person to apologize back. We cannot control that. After all, not everyone reaches the right emotional place to apologize at the exact moment we do. So, be patient. I have seen people apologize, and then several days later the other person came around. Your patience will be both appreciated and rewarded.

The right way to apologize:
¨ Do not justify, minimize or make excuses for what you did. Take responsibility!
“What I did was wrong”
¨ Be genuine when you express regret for the mishap
“I feel badly that I hurt you”
¨ Ask what you can do to repair the damage?
“How do I make this better?”
¨ Make the apology timely.
Sooner is usually better than later.

When you look at things from a Christian point of view these key steps to an apology are a form of repentance; Note the similarity to confession, remorse, and restitution.

Sacred Marriage

“God has a plan for your marriage, but the enemy of God has a plan for it as well.”
Most couples stand at the alter desiring a blessed by God union but all to often it becomes a bleeding union where each one’s brokenness and walls prevent the other one from getting close.

God is the author of marriage and he wants us to enjoy a vibrant marriage but we need to have a teachable heart. When the marriage is going through a tough time, it is a unique opportunity to let the Lord work in a huge way in you. Oftentimes that means that we will get all of our esteem, all of our love, and all of our confidence from Him alone! We always think it is our partner that needs to change. We have to trust the Lord to change our honey and to protect our marriage.

When we make moves toward each other instead of moving away it helps us to be like minded, sympathetic for the other, kind and tenderhearted, and humble in spirit. Human nature wants us to return evil for evil or insult for insult; you know the thoughts, “how can I even the score?” We have to purpose to give a blessing instead no matter how the other one treats you. Then we might inherit a blessing.

Marriage isn't easy for any of us. No matter what anyone tells you, we all have to work at it, because at the heart of it we are all selfish. Really, all the problems in marriage come from selfishness. You get upset that your spouse does not do things for you because you want something. The spouse gets upset because you ask for something and he does not want to give anything of himself. It is selfishness. Period. And, only the Lord can work that out.

Sometimes we get so caught up in not feeling like we can trust our spouse; Don’t worry about trusting him. Trust the Lord to protect your marriage and you. That is what He does. Trusting in the Lord shifts the focus, so that we can trust our husbands, even if they may not be trustworthy. That is grace! Giving what is not deserved. We have grace because of what the Lord has given us. The Lord wants to be glorified in your marriage. He doesn't just want you to be happy. He wants to be exalted and glorified in it. Sometimes we have to realize that the other person cannot give us everything, so that we let Him be the glue in our marriage.
So, a few suggestions:

#1 – Pray together every day. Bless your spouse in your prayer, though. Do not ask God to change him, or to make him anything other than who he is. (If he will not pray with you, then pray for him on your own every day.)

#2 – When you start to tell him what you need, don’t. Pray and ask the Lord to provide whatever it is that you need. If it is through your honey, fine. If not, trust that He will. (Sometimes when we ask our honeys for something and they don't give it, it just makes us resentful and less willing to give ourselves.)

#3 – Find things everyday that will bless your honey. Make their coffee the way they like it or tell them they smell good. Don't expect anything in return. (This is grace in action. The Lord will bless you for it, and you'll feel less like maybe you deserve their ill-treatment)

#5 - Don't let your mind stay on the negative things in your marriage. Stop yourself when you go there, and move to either positive things in it, or to verses that remind you of the goodness of the Lord.

#4 – Read your Word every day. Write on index cards the things that the Lord speaks to you, especially having to do with your esteem in Him or His faithfulness, or His willingness to provide for you. Concentrate on His goodness and provision.

Rise up and march forward in the strength of the Lord!

Thanks to my dear friend Margaret Opsal for sharing many of these thoughts with me!!!